Symptoms of a FoLC

If you have any of your own symptoms of being a FoLC, just e-mail me. klane at digital dot net

Reading all the information you can get your hands on about Teri Hatcher, Dean Cain, or the cast and crew of Lois and Clark.
Throwing out all of the green rocks or emeralds which you happen to have around, in the off chance that it's truly Kryptonite.
You sign up on every newsgroup there is on the Internet (e.g. Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman To subscribe, go to Yahoo! Groups where the list is now hosted, and when prompted, enter in your email address and password) to get your daily fill of Lois and Clark.
Solemnly reciting the FoLC Bill of Rights every chance you get.
Sighing at all the WAFFS, WHAMS, and GTOs as you pull out your copy of the Acronym List to make sure you're sighing at the correct thing.
Drooling over Dean Cain or Teri Hatcher.
Writing pages and pages of fanfic, with the main story being Lois and Clark making out.
Dropping into the gutter every night and joining the rest of the FoLCs who inhabit it, as you watch the show and yell at the TV to stay at that certain shot longer so you can get a better feel of what it looks like to have Lois and Clark kiss.
Acting out plays of how you would have ended certain scenes in the show, for example, having Clark awake to hear Lois pour out her feelings in 'This Old Gang of Mine,' or have Lois and Clark remember their time-traveling in 'Tempus Fugitive.'
Slamming the writers of the episodes which you hated/extrememly disliked.
Taking the phone off of the hook a half hour before the show and not putting it back on until a half hour after the show has ended, just in case ABC will rerun the episode by mistake.
Sitting by the phone with your credit card in your hand in case you run by some Lois and Clark/Superman merchandise while surfing the TV or the net.
You dream about Lois and Clark, where, in your dreams, Teri and Dean are your best friends or your worst nightmare, but in every scene, nevertheless!
While studying the periodic table at school, you notice that the symbols for elements 17, 18 and 19 (Chlorine, Argon, Potassium) are Cl, Ar and K, spelling out . . .
You find yourself humming the theme song in the shower.
Your friends insist you're 'obsessed' and you talk about the show all the time (even though you deny it, of course. :)
You quote L&C in everyday situations.
You can say the characters' lines along with them.
Calvin Klein's initials take on a whole new meaning . . .
You buy a second VCR just to dub tapes of Lois and Clark.
Knowing the answers to every Lois and Clark question that comes your way, like, why is the 'S' on Superman's outfit, when Lois named him after she saw the costume?
You insist on playing Scrabble with friends and family so you can reinact the 'chumpy' scene in Honeymoon In Metropolis.
While sitting in a restaurant and trying to get a waiter's attention, you unconsciously sit up and tug your glasses down on your nose.
You know (and care) more about Dean's/Teri's life history than you do about the history of America.
You spend more on one L&C-related item than you did on your parents' last three birthday gifts.
Your wallpaper is basically a bunch of L&C posters/clips.
Like Perry with Elvis, you can relate any situation in life to an L&C episode or scene.
When your professor announces an unexpected pop quiz, you exclaim "Great Shades of Elvis!"
Your boyfriend/girlfriend asks what you want to do and you break into a rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon."
You develop an intense dislike for anyone named Dan or Deter.
While registering for classes in the last semester of your senior year in college, you decide to change your major from Botany to Journalism.
You go completely out of your way when you should be working/studying to buy oolong tea even though you're not too crazy about tea anyway.
You place tin foil on your head every day, to ward off those persistent psychics that you may come across.
You leave your window open; hey, you never know when somebody will come flying in!
You be careful to not order Chinese food from any place called "Ralph's".
You learn to give useful advice such as, "Blot, don't rub."
You find yourself freaking out when the date on a malfunctioning computer reads "May 17th, 1966".
You've searched all of the stores for Revenge Perfume, and for a Space Rat.
You look at the clock and absent-mindedly say, "7:01 . . . 7:02 . . . 7:03 . . . 7:04 . . . 7:05 . . . "
You've started watching nature specials in hopes of catching a glimpse of Marlin Finch Lupus.
Your computer password has something to do with L&C.
You're struck by the thought that your best friend looks like Teri/Dean.
You've actually phoned stores to see if they have Double Fudge Crunch Bars.
Whenever you visit hospitals, you look around in hopes of finding CK in scrubs.
You see a black and white checkered shirt and immediately think, "Ned".
You've searched stores for the Christmas star ornament from "Season's Greedings," and your favorite Christmas song is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by the Pretenders (and listen to it in August . . . )
At choir practice, you try to convince everyone that "Wall of Sound" by Lenny Stoke is a real song, and attempt to teach it ("No, no, no! It's 'awake my children, lost and found . . '"), and you've gotten them to sing "I've Got A Crush On You" in a choir concert.
The word "A-Plot" has been banned from your vocabulary.
You end all conversations with "That's all FoLCs!"
You walk to work in a prickly mood, meditating on the unjustices of the world, and foremost in your mind is the following thought: No one should have to lose his virginity with a clone! It's just Not Right!"
You buy Clark Kent type glasses to wear even though you have 20/20 vision.
Your sister says she bought a pair of CK jeans, to which you respond, "Clark Kent?"
Your nephew wants to read you his report on the Lewis and Clark expedition and you think he's pronouncing it wrong.
You start scanning the TV Guide listings to see if there are any programs with L&C cast members on at any time.
You call AAA to see if they have a map showing the exact whereabouts of Metropolis.
You turn your TV to ABC on Sunday night at 8:00 p.m., just in case the pre-emption was pre-empted.
Zoomway feels compelled to write about Teri's hair, but circumvents the issue by telling us about this very passionate kissing scene between DC/CK and TH/LL thereby raising the blood pressure of every red-blooded member of the list, causing riots in every city, country, and continent.
You have the urge to "splash"... in front of your grandmother.
You refer often to "the people on LOISCLA" and what they're discussing.
You say the word "FoLC" at least twice a day.
You come up with acronyms for the things around your house.
When people ask you what's new you respond "There's this really great thread going on...."
You have memorized at least ten e-mail addresses of fellow FoLCs.
Your ears and eyes perk up at the mention of "folk", believing it to be "FoLC".
Anytime you see DC, TH, or L&C merchandize, you run immediately to your computer to inform everyone else.
You abbreviate Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher's names.
Every time you see a kilt or windshield wiper you start ROTFL; when people ask you why, you respond, "Zoom told me not to tell!".
Your favorite reading material has suddenly become all the readable information that came with your VCR, because you know that somewhere in it are instructions telling you how to make it record starting at 8:00 p.m.(EST), Sunday night.
You make sure that you never ask your boss for advice on your love life.
Your vitamins say LL on one side, and you wonder "when are they going to make DC vitamins?"
Bombarding ABC with faxes, phone calls, and e-mails demanding to know why Lois and Clark hasn't been renewed.
You are listening to the radio and every time a new song comes on you think "this song reminds me of when Lois and Clark [your memory here]"
While driving in the car you look for license plates with DGC, CJK, LLK, PW, or any other intials from the show.
While still driving in the car you look for signs that relate to Lois and Clark (Kent, Lane, Clark).
While in the car (again) you look for liscense plates with L&C ancronyms (VD, BGDF, SG, etc. etc.)
Everything you see you can relate it somehow to Lois and Clark.
You watch old eps so much you know every one word for word.
You always have red, yellow, and/or blue on.
You are shopping and you pick up something and say "Lois/Clark (or whoever!) wore this in [episode name] and you tell the person that came with you (if they even braved coming with you during this time!) What Lois/Clark was doing, who she was with, and what she said.
You computer has turned into a Lois and Clark shrine (L&C wallpaper, screensaver, icons, color, sound. The works).
You can say "Lois and Clark, The new Adventures of Superman" in at least five different languages.
No one dares come near you for fear that they will be bombarded with some more Lois and Clark trivia.
You have named the days and months after Lois and Clark (Martha Monday, Teri Tuesday, Jimmy June).
You have re-named your pets after Lois and Clark.
You have trained your pet bird (if you have one) to sing the Lois and CLark theme. Your bird (if it can talk) can also recite whole episodes of Lois and Clark from watching it so much with you.
Everytime a bird or a plane passes by, you're convinced you've spotted Superman
When in danger, the first thing you think of to say is "Superman, Help!"
On a road trip, you compare every little thing to Lois and Clark (e.g. If you pass through the town "Rose bud" you immediately think of the part of the episode "The Ides of Metropolis" in which Lois and Clark are trying to figure out a password and both say at the same time "Rosebud!").
When in Graceland you continuously point out to the tall scary dude behind you "I remember when Perry White told that story", and compare the Chief Editor to Colonel Parker, and say to the guy that you've thoroughly confused "Didya know that Elvis was gonna marry some chick before he married Priscilla? Didya didya? Perry sure did!"
When standing in front of a Graceland giftshop you squeal to the short woman next to you (who just happens to be wearing an Elvis t-shirt) "Perry White has that clock!!!!" Then, ignoring her bewildered expression, you either a) Rush inside the shop and buy the "Swinging Pendalum Elvis Clock" [---even though you aren't an Elvis fan...but hey, Perry owns one, so it's gotta be cool!---] or b) Rush inside the shop with the intention of buying the clock, but after a glance at the price-tags of other objects around you, you decide that no, you shouldn't even LOOK at how expensive it is. Later, on the way home, you berate yourself the whole way for not buying it. After all, it's not every day that you get a clock that correctly portrays "Elvis the Pelvis".
You write out lists of symptoms you might be developing if you're turning into a FoLC.

If you have any of these symptoms, you are experiencing the signs to becoming a full-fledged FoLC! Congratulations! Once you discover that you are experiencing the signs, you can do one of two things. 1) Schedule an appointment with Dr. Frisken (refer to episodes Individual Responsibility #41 through Whine, Whine, Whine, #42 on who she is) if you think you need to see her, like Julie Bixby or 2) Succumb to the temptation to come out of the dark and then fall flat on your face as you stumble into the gutter. The choice is yours.

This version of my Symptoms of a FoLC page was born on June 29, 2002
Last Update: August 5, 2003